


Sunshine

by Cloudnine101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Deaf Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 21:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5065258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudnine101/pseuds/Cloudnine101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Dean shakes his head.</em> No. There's something. What's up?<em></em></p><p><em>Castiel's mouth opens and shuts; he's startled, eyes widening.</em> Anna, <em>he signs,</em> was saying what a lovely couple we made.</p><p> <em>Dean blinks. "Oh," he says, with his mouth.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunshine

They're walking through the park. The trees are red and yellow and orange; the colours are rippling together. Something about it makes Dean's stomach catch. It's like they're putting on a show.

Castiel's wearing a long, grey coat, and a blue scarf. Dean picked it out for him (the scarf, not the coat) - it matches his eyes, and it wasn't all that expensive. It looks it, though. That's the important bit.

Castiel's hand is resting gently in his arm. If Dean closes his eyes, he can almost believe that they're just any other couple - that when they get back to the flat, Cas will take him in his arms, and they'll have dinner together, and afterwards, Cas will kiss him softly on the cheek.

 _The day's beautiful_ , Castiel signs. His hands move smoothly. Dean's always admired that about him.

 _Yeah_ , Dean replies. If he tilted his head to the side, he'd be close enough to feel Castiel's breath on his cheek.

Castiel's glasses are falling down his nose. He looks like he's just stumbled off the catwalk - and possibly as though he's fallen into a bush afterwards. Dean's not being picky, though. Castiel looks beautiful. It's something Dean's understood for a while, now. It's not getting any easier.

 _How's the project?_ Dean asks, trying to fill the gap. 

Castiel shrugs. _W_ _ell, I suppose._ A couple of kids dart past, deep in their mobile phones. Castiel steps to the side with cat-like grace and gravity. His hand slips into Dean's. He's wearing woolly finger gloves. His sister bought them for him last Christmas. Already, they look as though they're falling apart. _It could be better. It's - challenging._

 _Hey. You'll do it. If anybody can, it's you._ If Dean could, this is where he'd kiss Cas. As it is, he smiles as confidently as he can. Castiel seems to appreciate the sentiment. He grins back, gums showing. _Don't get sappy on me, Professor Novak._

 _Your wish is mine._ Castiel slows his pace, slightly. Their hands part, but now their shoulders are brushing.

The thing is, Dean can still remember the first morning they kissed. It had been like this one - sunny, bright. Castiel had leaned over to him, and brushed their lips together - just so - and it had been great, and soft, and sweet, and everything Dean had imagined.

Dean can still remember the sensation of Castiel's hands in his hair. It'd been pathetic - but he'd thought, just for a second, that he could call what Castiel was going to say. That Cas was going to sweep him up, and they'd run away together.

 _We're still friends?_ Castiel had finally said, and Dean's heart had cracked in two.

And they were friends. Just friends.

Beside him, Castiel freezes, his grip yanking Dean out of himself. His eyes widen. He almost trips over his own shoes. "Oh, God," he says.

 _Cas? What is it?_ Dean casts his eyes around, but all he can find is the woman rapidly advancing on them, high-heels bouncing on the paving stones. _Is she an ex?_

 _My sister_ , Castiel replies, and suddenly she's upon them, lips stretching into a laugh.

"Castiel!" Anna says, and wraps her arms around him. Castiel freezes. Dean winces.

Anna's speaking fast. Dean can make out fragments of words, but they're gone too soon for him to make anything off them.

 _Cas_ , Dean says,  _fill me in?_

Castiel's hands work quickly. _Nothing._

Dean shakes his head. _No. There's something. What's up?_

Castiel's mouth opens and shuts; he's startled, eyes widening. _Anna_ , he signs, _was saying what a lovely couple we made._

Dean blinks. "Oh," he says, with his mouth.

Anna stops, and turns to look at him. Apparently, he's interesting now.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to overstep. I didn't know - " She bites her lip.

"It's alright. We're not dating." Dean's never been so aware of how clumsy his words sound. Castiel's always complimented him on the way he speaks - says he has a linguistic gift. Dean has yet to believe it.

"I'm sorry," Anna says. "Truly."

Dean shrugs. "It's okay." He looks to Castiel, who inches closer, pale faced. Something twists in Dean's stomach. _I'm not gonna jump her._

Castiel frowns. _I didn't say you were._

Anna looks between them, brow furrowed. "My sign language isn't the greatest."

"Dean was asking," Castiel says, but then his face is half turned away, focused on his sister, and Dean can only make out the corners of his lips. Anna nods, once, and Dean cranes his neck. " - white-faced, shall we say."

"I can see why."

"You can see why what?" Dean asks. 

Anna frowns, and says, "Castiel was saying you thought he looked pasty."

"Yeah." Dean glances across. Cas's cheeks are flushed. "Sorry."

 _No apology required. I do._ Castiel smiles softly. "We should be going."

Anna nods. "Of course. I'll see you two sometime? You must bring him over for dinner, Castiel. He's so handsome." Anna mimes fanning herself.

"Thanks," Dean says.

Anna blushes scarlet. "Bye," she says, squeezing Castiel's hand - and then she's off again, brushing past them, a tornado of eyeliner and tall shoes.

Dean watches her go.

 _Get home,_ Castiel says; Dean allows himself to be led away.

 

.

 

By the time they're back at the flat, the blow hasn't faded. If anything's, it's twisted Dean's chest. He can't breathe around it.

Stopping off in the kitchen, Castiel pours a glass of orange juice, and slides it across to Dean. _Drink up_ , he says.

Dean takes a sip. _Why didn't you tell her about me?_

 _I didn't want to presume._ Castiel leans forward; smirking, he places his hands on Dean's hips, tugging him in closer. Dean takes a step, and stops himself. He places the glass down.

_Presume what?_

The smile drops from Castiel's features. He sighs. _That you would become a - a permanency_ , he says. _I didn't think -_

Dean's stomach is cramping. He swallows, but the taste won't go away. _I get it._

 _I'm sorry._ Castiel stops signing, and looks at him.

_It's fine._

Dean brushes his hand over the back of his eyes. He shouldn't be crying, because - let's face it - this, whatever it is, was never going to be anything more than physical. Cuddles on the couch, pet names, friggin' matching tattoos - they were out of the question from the start. You can't mourn what you've never had.

Castiel reaches out towards him, but Dean dodges. _You're good, man. You don't have to do anything. But this ain't working._

 _Working?_ Castiel's eyes widen. _What do you mean?_

 _I'll leave,_ Dean says, _in the morning. I'll pack tonight. Can't be that difficult, right?_

 _Dean,_ Castiel says, and Dean flinches.

_Don't. Just - don't. This is already too hard, and you're making it harder, and I can't. I can't look at you, and I can't touch you, and I can't - be with you._

Dean's halfway to the stairs when Castiel latches onto his forearm. Dean jerks back.

 _Please wait,_ Castiel says, eyes big and wide and blue, _I can explain._

 _No. Don't. I understand_ , Dean says, and forces a smile. _Go back downstairs._

 _Where will_ you _go?_

And that's the thing, isn't it? Castiel - still caring about his wellbeing, even though they're never going to see each other again.

 _Sammy's_ , Dean says. _He'll have me. I'll see him and Jess. It'll be great. One big happy family. He's always getting at me to visit. We can have that barbecue he wants._

 _Dean,_ Castiel says again, but Dean shakes his head.

 _Don't, Cas. This was just - a thing. A thing that we had._ Dean shakes his head. _It doesn't matter. I'm glad we lasted this long._

"It doesn't matter," Castiel echoes, talking out loud. He looks shell-shocked. His hand is gripping the counter, and his teeth are gritted.

_I'm not gonna hold you down, Cas. I won't. You don't want the deaf kid slowing -_

Castiel steps closer. Dean backs up against the wall. Castiel's body brackets him; Castiel's breath is hot upon his neck. Dean bites his lip. Castiel's eyes are the brightest he's ever seen them.

 _You have never done that_ , Castiel says, hands right in front of Dean's face - and then he doesn't say anything more, because he takes hold of Dean's face and kisses him.

Dean's eyelids flutter shut. He lurches forwards, their bodies meshing together. Castiel's fingers skim along the line of his belt. 

Castiel has always kissed in the same way he smiles - slowly, at first, and then more and more eagerly. This time, though, there's something different about it. It isn't steady - the air is charged between them, as though any stray movement could snap it. 

Dean steps back, and gasps. Castiel presses a kiss against his forehead. _I want to come to the barbecue with you,_ Cas says. _I want to meet your brother. I want to do everything you do. To not think. I want - I don't know! I don't know what I want. I just want - you. That's all, Dean._

_What're you saying?_

Castiel's eyes close. _I have wanted you since the day I met you. You were sitting on our bench, and you were texting your brother. You were smiling, and it was so, so bright._

Dean's floating; he's on a cloud, and he's looking down at himself. He can't remember the last time he felt like this - like there's nothing in the world for him to worry about. _Why didn't you just tell me that?_

_I didn't think you had - the same feelings. I - you told me that we were better off as friends. And I accepted that. It was worth it, to - to be around you. It has been a great, Dean. It has been my -_

_You stupid -_ Dean cuts himself off. _C'm'ere._

Castiel's forehead crinkles. _But -_

 _No buts._ There's something light in Dean's stomach. It's forcing his way upwards. He's grinning like a loon. _I'm gonna ask you this: are you going out with me?_

 _I want to,_ Castiel replies. _More than anything._

 _Done_. Dean takes hold of Castiel's hands. He kisses each of the knuckles once, just because he can - and then after that, he takes hold of Castiel's hips. _You're dumb. Know that?_

 _I can afford it_ , Castiel snarks.

Dean rolls his eyes; for once, he isn't angry, and he isn't scared. _Get over here, sunshine_ , he says, and Castiel does just that.


End file.
